we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
