Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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