oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
