It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just cropdusted the office
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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