Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
