I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
