I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
