I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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