Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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