I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
