3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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