Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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