lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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