Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
