I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
