so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
