what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
