dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Boobs speak an international language.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
