The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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