I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
