Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
