his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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