Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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