Moan for me like Helen Keller
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
