im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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