I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
