In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
