I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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