I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you never un-have a 4some
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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