if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
