i already hear my dad disowning me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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