one might say we're banned from that church
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
