I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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