I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
