Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
