Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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