I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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