Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
