Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
