apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
