broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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