those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
