Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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