I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
