My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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