It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
