So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
