yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
