Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
