i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
