tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
